Contempt can become an ever present emotion for the dismissive avoidant. An avoidant may find themselves swimming in the emotional landscape of constant low level disdain and revulsion for others. This is a trap of the attachment wounding. If I feel superior to others, am adored by others, I do not have to access my feelings of inferiority, shame and worthlessness.
As you begin to recover from the attachment wounding as an avoidant, you begin to examine contempt and see that it is merely a mirage, it is nothing more than an attempt to use another to feel better about yourself. If you let go of contempt, you see yourself undefended, fragile, and mired in shame.
This stage of the work is extremely painful, and yet, it feels precious. It feels real. There is a sense here of losing the perfected self image that operates mechanically to collect adulation and awe from others. Inside this ego death, you find what the deep self longs for - authenticity, truth and the certainty of - this is the ground of who I am.
This process rarely happens once. There are many levels of ego death for an avoidant. Contempt is an ever present armour that is often doned if the idealised version of "What I should be" is threatened. Over time, however, it becomes easier to see when the armour is being reached for. If an avoidant becomes aware that it is contempt which is fired each time the idealised false self feels afraid, it becomes easier to lean into the real feelings and not descend into image management.
Let the contempt wash over you, it is there, but it doesn't need to be taken as true or real. It is a mirage, it is the ego feeling the need to defend itself. You are enough as you are, you don't need to diminish another person in order to feel enough, nor do you need to force yourself to seek external adoration to keep your self concept afloat. You have value just as you are.
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