No-one else
But you,
For your eyes
The first thing
The only thing
The everything
That makes us two.
Why is it so hard to forget the limerent object? Usually the longing for this one perfect person feels too great to let go of. Why is this? Why is the fantasy so compelling and long lasting?
Often, it is the way we have been seen. Even if the limerent object has never looked at us, nor knows we exist, something in the quality of their gaze pulls us magnetically to them and what they represent.
It is possible to become limerent purely on imaginary gaze. Perhaps you have heard someone described in a particular way, in this portrayal there is something so seductive and appealing, that you find yourself falling into limerence. Somehow, this account of an unknown person feels so necessary, so mesmerising, that you must turn it over and over in your mind in fantasy.
More commonly, a limerent object has looked into the eyes of the person who becomes obsessed with them. Sometimes they have looked with charm and delight, sometimes they have been hard to win, and have seemed reluctant to connect.
What is deeply important to notice in the exchanges that you return to again and again in fantasy, is - how was I seen? How does it feel to be seen? This is the key to really understanding the limerent hold over you. Somewhere in your life, this quality of gaze has been lost. Somewhere, this level of attunement is profoundly important and needs attending to.
How can we heal this longing for the limerent object's gaze and be freed from this intense bond? Grief heals it, along with the practical tools of limerence recovery. The process is two-fold, behavioural change combined with the deep excavation of the original longing from childhood that set us up for limerence.
If you are working on limerence, begin to track the quality of how you have been looked at, even if it is purely in fantasy. What are you seeking as you are gazed at in your imagination? What is held between your eyes, is what you feel you need more than anything. You may never have had it, you may be trying to eternally recreate it, you may long for it and seek it in the eyes of others. Understanding it and grieving it, can free you from the need to search for it.
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