I watched my shadow
Light and thin.
She watched me back,
Waiting for her chance.
Will she pour her slender legs
Into the space that should be mine,
Tip back my little neck
And snap it to make room for hers?
What is shadow and why do we fear it so?
How terrified we can be of our own behaviours. What is so frightening about owning all of what we are? Why does it feel so good to hate traits we see in others, that are present yet unacknowledged in ourselves?
Projecting the shadow can feel comforting. You can feel revulsion towards someone who is outside of the self, separate and different. Perhaps your shadow is deeply immoral, you may find yourself in rigid contempt when you view behaviour that is improper. Perhaps weakness, need and vulnerability fill you with disgust.
Whatever it is, it is you, and needs owning. It can feel agonising to pull into awareness that everything we loath in others, belongs to ourselves. If we refuse to admit this, we end up forcing others to reckon with what we truly are. Those we love feel the burden of our shadow, they see it and have to hold it for us as we cling desperately onto our self image. They become tired of this, as it is not their responsibility to pretend that you are exactly what you say you are. Relationships are strained by this, as we ourselves are constrained by seeing only what we want to see.
How can we change this? In introspective work, we must allow what we have banished from our awareness and make peace with it. Are we disgusted by weakness and inaction in others? Then we must begin to see that we are not always achieving and powerful, sometimes we sink into vulnerability and procrastination, and this is human. It is part of what we are, and we are enough even when we experience this.
Self-compassion is the balm here, and letting go of judgement. You will notice as you do this work, that the inner critic loosens its grip. You will lose the comfort of judging what you do not like in others, but you will gain a lack of self judgement. The inner voice quietens and retreats, and the shadow in no longer an adversary. The self is no longer at war with itself, there is acceptance, maturity and internal peace.
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